No Really Does Mean No

I know this is supposed to be the lighter, more fun blog but… I still have that debacle that I witnessed yesterday on my mind. Just to catch you up, yesterday, the Senate Judicial Committee reluctantly held an additional hearing to address allegations made by Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. She accused a Supreme Court Nominee, Judge Brett “Frat Boi” Kavanaugh, of attempted rape when they were both in high school.

Another reason that I feel compelled to address this here is because many women on the Autism Spectrum become the victims of sexual crimes because of their vulnerability and naivete. With all of the momentum of the #MeToo movement swirling around, Dr. Ford was all of us yesterday. I myself am a survivor and that’s something that you never get over. It was years before I told anyone. I never told my family. I wrote about it in my first book though. In my particular case, it was less about feeling ashamed and more a real fear that my father and brother would have killed the bastard.

So today, I am taking a different approach with this blog. I am not feeling jovial and lighthearted. I felt physically ill watching Dr. Ford go through what she went through and then forcing myself watch that privileged, entitled Frat Boi throw a “toddler worthy” tantrum complete with screaming and crying. And to top it all off, these “esteemed” Senators, mostly RethugliKKKans, are hell bent on giving this “man baby” a huge promotion that he does not deserve.

I know today is Friday and probably payday for a lot of us. I’m going out to dinner later with some friends myself but writing has always been therapy for me. I hope I didn’t bring you down. Tomorrow, I promise to be upbeat and lighthearted again but today, this needed to be written. I needed to write it. Thank you for reading! Blessings and Peace!

My Two Cents on Marriage and Dating – It’s Cuffing Season y’all!

Here is my YouTube video to go along with this post. I have been having technical difficulties getting it to embed… It is cuffing season 

So as you can see, I am changing the format slightly. I am no longer giving them numbers. Instead, I will be giving them subtitles. When I came up with idea for this post, I admit it was a little tongue in cheek. I mean no one is going to realistically structure their lifestyle around the weather, right…?  But let’s talk seriously though. Suppose it actually has less to do with the weather and more to do with the fact that people who are normally happy go lucky singles start to feel the loneliness more during the holidays? After all, people are often with their families and if you are unattached, you might not have a family to spend the holidays with and that makes not having a significant other…well, even more significant.

Consider the fact that suicide rates go up during the holidays. Couple mental illness with all these darn cheerful, family-oriented holiday festivities and viola! – cuffing season.

People need and want to be loved, valued, cuddled…even if it is a facade. And consider this- Is all of this exacerbated by being on the Autism Spectrum? Many people on the spectrum have strained relationships with their families.  Many people on the spectrum have a terrible time navigating the dating world. If someone who is equally lonely and or desperate comes along…meet your new cuffing buddy…

So what do y’all think? Change in weather, change in attitude towards commitment?  I have done a little research for us and here is what I found. Huffington Post had this to offer:  Cuffing Season

What do you think? Happy Cuffing Season y’all!

My Two Cents on Marriage and Dating, Part IV

Marriage and monogamy or Single and sexually free? Are you going to get married and stay faithful or are you going to get married and do whatever the hell you want to do? Why not just stay single? I can’t help but to think about Tiger Woods… He wanted the ideal, picture perfect family – the wife and kids but he also wanted run the street with all manner of bimbos… Yeah, I may be showing my age but that’s the nicest name I can think of at the moment.  I mean, if you are going to get married, why not put your all into it?

I think the idea of marriage is wonderful. You have a person who has promised to stay with you FOREVER… UNTIL YOU BOTH DIE… That means they will put up with all your bs and you have to put up with all theirs. And truthfully, I don’t think any couple is happy all the time but they are willing to work through their differences and stay committed to one another. There is something rather comforting about having someone there with you if you need a reassuring hug… Is basic companionship one of the most attractive features about getting married?

Last question: Do you need to be madly, passionately in love with someone to marry them?

Your Rights, my beliefs….

Why does what Jill and Jane or Stan and Fred do in their bedroom bother you so much? How does allowing them to get married have such an impact or your life? If I choose to share my beliefs with you and they’re different from yours, do I now get to impose my beliefs upon you because I think you’re wrong?  I get the whole issue with Christians not believing in gay marriage but I am a Christian who believes in letting others live their lives as they see fit. Allowing same sex couples to live their lives doesn’t change what you believe.  Remember, not too terribly long ago, society was dead set against interracial couples getting married.  How is this different?

Let’s talk about gender identity for a moment. Many people with Aspergers struggle with gender identity issues. It has nothing to do with them being homosexual, it has more to do with them feeling comfortable. According to my research, some of them do discover that they may be gay but for the most part, it’s just an issue of comfort

Transgender folks have made a decision to wear clothing that doesn’t fit society’s idea of how a man or a woman should dress.  Some of them choose to identify themselves as the opposite sex because they say it makes them feel more comfortable. Once again, why does this bother some of you so much? Hell, I hate dresses but I’m not a lesbian. I also enjoy watching sports, drinking beer and smoking cigars… Who decided that these are inappropriate activities for a proper lady to enjoy?

Let’s talk about it. Join the discussion

My Two Cents on Marriage and Dating, Part III

In responding to my previous question about “space,” there was an assertion made by Jane (not her real name). “If nobody is making an effort to get together, then that is definitely too much space.” It was stated that… “Relationships cannot flourish without time to bond.” How do you feel? Do you need your me time ? My response was, “what if that’s the problem? What if people really don’t want to bond?” I speak about this in my book, “Confessions of a Reformed Cougar: Younger Isn’t Necessarily Better” Get the book.

From a personal perspective, I completely understand the sense of loss and pain involved when you have put your heart and soul into a relationship and it goes south. Humans respond negatively to pain. I suppose as a defense mechanism, we could determine that it’s just easier to have serial relationships that are “safe.” Rather than putting in the work to build a lasting relationship and end up getting badly hurt.

How do we resolve this issue? At what age do you come to the realization that you are too old to be “bed hopping” or “relationship hopping?” When do you grow up and settle down? Come on now, don’t be shy. Lend your wisdom and insight to help us answer these questions.

Join the discussion!

My apologies for neglecting you…

I have a lot going on right now.  I’m still trying to help my boy get adjusted to Middle School. Yes he’s been back in school for a while but it takes us a bit longer to get used to new situations. However, we always finish strong.  The workload has increased for him so he has to reconcile in his mind that he is going to have to put a bit more effort into his school work now. That’s the thing with people who are brilliant; we know we are brilliant so we have to accept when something is a little more difficult that it’s going to require more of our time and attention.

There have been so many things “pulling” at me lately… I have to try to make a living while giving my son the time and attention that he requires. Please understand, I am not complaining, I’m really not.  And please don’t think that I’m making excuses.  I have been doing some research and it has come to my attention that I need to focus my efforts in other areas. I’m just glad I found out this information before I wasted anymore time and effort. But you see, the best writers also do copious research. Doing the necessary research helps us to be authentic and believable.  I guess my son and I are actually having the same issues…adjusting.  As the level of difficulty increases, the level of effort must also increase. So I apologize for not posting more regularly.  I will not let it happen again. I believe that I have made the necessary adjustments and I now understand that I must adhere to the schedule that I created in order to get everything accomplished that needs to get done.

My Two Cents on Marriage and Dating, Part I

I saw the most wonderful story on Facebook the other day. It was about a couple who are both on the Autism Spectrum and they were married Saturday. This is particularly encouraging for me because I’m always reading about how difficult it is for folks on the spectrum to navigate the dating scene.  Since social awkwardness is a major trait in High Functioning Autism, I have to say this may be a fair assessment.

I did not date a whole lot in high school. I didn’t date much in college.  I prefered to have a “steady.”  I’ll elaborate on that in the next installment. Nevertheless, I didn’t know I was on the spectrum at the time so I just figured I was yet another awkward teenager…

I have been married twice.  The whole “marriage thing” has not worked well for me. Maybe I just haven’t found the right person…huh? To be fair, the demise of my second marriage had some mitigating circumstances. No, I will not reveal them here.  After all, I have to give you some motivation to buy my book: “Life is a Precious Gift – live it with NO REGRETS.”

Many of us are raised in the judeo-christian tradition of dating to find a lifelong mate. I have never been one who was much of a conformist. I believe that you must do what is best for your happiness and sanity. That being said, I was happily married but… I have an adventuresome spirit. The person I marry must understand that. Now he is more than welcome to come along with me as I explore. Clubbing is absolutely not a requirement but I like to do that too, occasionally. And I have no problem staying home and relaxing in front of the television or hey, here’s a concept – carrying on an intelligent conversation. But I’m not going to be a happy camper or very easy to get along with if I can’t get out sometimes and do stuff.  Trust and believe, if you do not want to join me, you do not want to be the cause of clipping my wings unless you are ill or in dire need of my attention.

So what is the take away? Many people on the Autism Spectrum have narrow or focused interests. If you’re going to date someone, I would start with looking around at the establishments or events that you frequent. The couple I mentioned at the beginning of this post met at an Autism Support Group. Don’t have one near you? Start one! In order to date people, you have to meet people. Finally, take the pressure off yourself. Everyone you date does not have to eventually become your spouse.

Let’s just keep it real

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You may have heard the slang term, “Let’s just keep it 100…” I thought about using that for a headline but then I decided that maybe that was just a little too “hood.” But I do want to reveal a few things about myself today.  I got this idea from a post I did on Facebook a little while ago.  My son used to love to wear his Spiderman costume everywhere he went when he was little.  As I said on Facebook, I was uncertain whether I wanted to expose him to possible ridicule but most people just thought it was cute.  In fact, the day we were at Aquatica, a few young ladies asked if they could take a picture with him.  Back then, he didn’t mind taking pictures.  But my whole point in bringing up that story is he was unafraid to be himself back then. He still has a bit of a rebel streak now.  He prefers to wear his hair long.  I don’t really mind; it is after all his hair.  I would like to take a little credit for helping him to have the confidence to be himself.

I want him to have that feeling much earlier than I did.  It has literally taken me years to understand that I can be myself and not have to worry so much about what other people think.  I talk about this a little in my book, “Life is a Precious Gift.” Yes, shameless plug!

Now for the big reveal… I like to dress up for Halloween.  I think it’s great fun pretending to be someone else for the day and night ( I also love grown up Halloween parties where I get to have a few drinks).  I enjoy a decent cigar, occasionally.  I know this is somewhat unusual for a lady but I love football, cooking on the grill and beer too so there’s that… I love bending the hell out of traditional gender roles.  I am totally heterosexual but I hate dresses and I love business suits.

So there you have it – BE YOURSELF! Screw whoever doesn’t like it.  Enjoy life, you only get one. Be happy, be kind, be dazzling and love EVERYONE for who they are.  God did not make any mistakes when he made us.

Am I off my game?

Golf is a great stress reliever for me.

Golf is a great stress reliever for me.

I feel like I’m off my game somehow… I don’t know how to explain it? I may have briefly touched on this in a previous blog, I don’t know? But I know I mentioned it in my first book, “Life is a Precious Gift”  I  know I mentioned that for a long time, I didn’t feel like I knew my true self at all.  I mentioned feeling like I had spent so much time imitating “normal” behavior that I didn’t know what MY normal behavior looked like.

Thank God I rectified that situation and “found myself…” But you see, that’s another thing about Aspies (people with Asperger’s Syndrome ). Things can be sailing along wonderfully until the stress level increases or our routine is severely disrupted and then we are off our game.

Well, my life has definitely been disrupted in the last six months or so… But I thought I was handling it: Spiritually, physically, mentally doing the things I needed to do. But today, this morning, I wonder…? Some days are perfectly fine.  Other days I feel completely overwhelmed by life in general.  And what is my solution…? Shutting down completely,,,staying in my Woman cave watching television… not answering the phone…not writing for my job…(if I don’t write, I don’t get paid).  Shutting down is no longer a viable solution. So how do I rectify this?  Getting back into my exercise routine would help.  Maybe getting back to church on a more regular basis.  Although, more consistent prayer and meditation would be helpful as well.  Doing exactly what I’m doing…writing.  And I don’t mean for my job.  I mean for myself.

You see, I enjoy  sharing my thoughts with you all but I can’t share everything.  Some things are just for me, my composition book, tablet, laptop and God.

I’m not a big fan of the phone

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If you call me and I don’t answer, please don’t be offended.  I might actually be in the middle of something.  I’m not ignoring you. I’m not being dismissive.  It’s just that written communication is so much easier for me.  I chuckle to myself when my boy leaves me notes. I used to do the same thing to my mom when I was younger…

I won’t go into a long, boring explanation.  You don’t want to read all that.  You see, Aspies like to pontificate and show people how intelligent we are; something else that I have noticed in my boy.  Just suffice it to say, if I’m not busy, text me and we can “chat” for hours.  Send me an inbox on Facebook and you will be surprised how long we “talk.”

Those two pictures are my life in a nutshell.  One of them is me sitting alone at a Labor Day BBQ/Pool Party.  You want to know why I’m sitting alone at a party, huh? I’m not sad or lonely. I actually did mingle and socialize but I needed a moment to recharge. The other one is me with a friend at a Jazz Night last evening.  We were there supporting one of our other friend’s event.  Once again,I spent a good amount of the evening alone.  Not because I didn’t have the option of mingling.  I took pictures and chatted with folks but I was fine, chilling, sipping, listening to the wonderful music. It’s taken me so long to get here but I am so glad to finally be comfortable in my own skin.