I Know It’s Been a while…

The “Aspie Cougar” herself – Holly Mosley Cooper

 

First, allow me to apologize for staying away so long. It’s been a pretty rough two years. I’m just getting back into the “rat race.” You have my word, in these perilous times while many of us are stuck at home, I will do my best to keep you all entertained. 

I have been trying to figure out what to write about. I know things are nowhere near back to normal but some of us are trying to get back out there, carefully, safely. Dating at my age is… interesting, to say the least. I know that people do find love later in life but I just don’t know if I’m willing to put in the extra effort. I feel like I’ve said this before but it seems as though many older men want younger women. So as a matter of increasing the dating pool, why shouldn’t older women date younger men? I say do whatever floats your boat.

Honestly, I just don’t think I have the energy or the will anymore. AND My son’s treat me like I’m their “teenage daughter” when it comes to my dating life. I’m happy now with a movie, dinner and maybe a nice cigar and after dinner drinks. I’m pretty sure most significantly younger men would consider that lame.

So, how is the pandemic affecting your dating life? Have you been venturing out some or are you still sheltering at home and minimizing your contact with the outside world? In my case, it’s a little bit of both but leaning more towards getting out of the house sporadically to keep my sanity in tact!

My apologies for neglecting you…

I have a lot going on right now.  I’m still trying to help my boy get adjusted to Middle School. Yes he’s been back in school for a while but it takes us a bit longer to get used to new situations. However, we always finish strong.  The workload has increased for him so he has to reconcile in his mind that he is going to have to put a bit more effort into his school work now. That’s the thing with people who are brilliant; we know we are brilliant so we have to accept when something is a little more difficult that it’s going to require more of our time and attention.

There have been so many things “pulling” at me lately… I have to try to make a living while giving my son the time and attention that he requires. Please understand, I am not complaining, I’m really not.  And please don’t think that I’m making excuses.  I have been doing some research and it has come to my attention that I need to focus my efforts in other areas. I’m just glad I found out this information before I wasted anymore time and effort. But you see, the best writers also do copious research. Doing the necessary research helps us to be authentic and believable.  I guess my son and I are actually having the same issues…adjusting.  As the level of difficulty increases, the level of effort must also increase. So I apologize for not posting more regularly.  I will not let it happen again. I believe that I have made the necessary adjustments and I now understand that I must adhere to the schedule that I created in order to get everything accomplished that needs to get done.

Be true to yourself son

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So the other day, my son comes into my room to announce that he would like to take skate boarding lessons.  He’s been practicing on his own but apparently, he is not pleased with his progress nor the pointers that I have been giving him (Stop laughing! I was once pretty good).  Even his beloved You Tube has failed him this time.  Now being the concerned and involved parent that I am, my reaction was, “I’m sorry, what?” Ignoring my reaction he then says, “Can you ‘Google’ that and find out how to make it happen?” Why yes son, I suppose I can but why would I want to?  But then it occurred to me, I have been going round and round with a few of my friends that are aware of my son’s Aspergers and they insist that I need to sign him up for flag football or basketball. When I talked to my son about it, he was alright with it but definitely not thrilled.  I am a huge football fan.  He is not.

Now before we go down this “you’re the parent and he will do what you say” road… I know that. He knows that. You see, I don’t feel disrespected if my child wants to do his own thing. I can already see my boy’s persona forming. He’s very much an independent thinker but he respects other’s opinions. I cannot for the life of me to get folks to understand, we/he may look perfectly normal (whatever that means) but we (people with Aspergers) are wired differently. As long as he understands that he must be respectful to adults always, and that he must treat others as he would like to be treated, I do not feel the need to impose my will on him.  We actually had a conversation with his older brother too when we were contemplating signing up for football or basketball. I thought his brother said something rather profound when giving his input, “if you’re not going to commit to it and give it your all, don’t even bother.”

So next week, we will make a reservation and take our first skate boarding lesson.This will accomplish the same goal as flag football; I think. He will meet and interact with new people. He will engage in some physical activity and get out of the house. One thing is for certain; we are going to do what works for us. Less stress, more enjoying life. NO people pleasing. Life is a Precious Gift – live it with NO REGRETS

I’m not a big fan of the phone

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If you call me and I don’t answer, please don’t be offended.  I might actually be in the middle of something.  I’m not ignoring you. I’m not being dismissive.  It’s just that written communication is so much easier for me.  I chuckle to myself when my boy leaves me notes. I used to do the same thing to my mom when I was younger…

I won’t go into a long, boring explanation.  You don’t want to read all that.  You see, Aspies like to pontificate and show people how intelligent we are; something else that I have noticed in my boy.  Just suffice it to say, if I’m not busy, text me and we can “chat” for hours.  Send me an inbox on Facebook and you will be surprised how long we “talk.”

Those two pictures are my life in a nutshell.  One of them is me sitting alone at a Labor Day BBQ/Pool Party.  You want to know why I’m sitting alone at a party, huh? I’m not sad or lonely. I actually did mingle and socialize but I needed a moment to recharge. The other one is me with a friend at a Jazz Night last evening.  We were there supporting one of our other friend’s event.  Once again,I spent a good amount of the evening alone.  Not because I didn’t have the option of mingling.  I took pictures and chatted with folks but I was fine, chilling, sipping, listening to the wonderful music. It’s taken me so long to get here but I am so glad to finally be comfortable in my own skin.

It’s been a nice weekend

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I’ve been staying home a lot lately so it was nice to get out and about this weekend.  In that aspect, I guess I don’t fit the “typical” Asperger’s  stereotype (anti social). I actually like to get out of the house sometimes and interact with my friends. On the flip side though, I have no problem staying home in my room watching television alone.  This weekend was especially nice though because it was just the right combination of socializing and alone time.

I enjoy intimate gatherings at the homes of close friends.  In that atmosphere, if I feel any sensory overload, I can dismiss myself to an area that’s more quiet to regroup.  Now periodically I enjoy a raucous good time in a club setting where I can let my hair down. Like I said, if there is “typical” Aspie behavior, I’m certain I can’t be put into a box.

It’s probably due to the fact that I have spent my entire adult life “adjusting” my behavior to fit into a neurotypical world.  It’s also why it’s entirely possible for me to feel quite alone in a room full of people…

Hello world!

I was wide awake as usual when I should have been sleeping.  An idea popped into my head and well, here you have it.  The posts won’t be long but I do hope they will be entertaining.  Now please excuse me while I destroy this learning curve and get at it for real.  I hope you enjoy my musings.