We are appalled by the fact that polygamy is still practiced in some African countries because we have been indoctrinated by the Eurocentric way of thinking. The simple truth is that many of y’all are in polygamous relationships and don’t even know it. The whole idea of the collective is very Afrocentric but we have been robbed of so much of our history. And we are so brainwashed. We have bought into this winner take all and win at all costs mentality. Even in matters of the heart. The universe is filled with abundance. There is enough for everyone but far too many of us are consumed with Eurocentric self-centeredness.
Thus, my headline… There are far too many men out here who outwardly appear to be in monogamous relationships that are involved with one or more other women than their wives. This whole concept of the “side chick…” Recently, her place in popular culture is looked upon with less judgement. It’s even reflected in our television shows. I give you the most famous fictional side chick – “Olivia Pope of Scandal fame.”
So, the takeaway in all this is how to resolve this situation? I have written before about the concept of monogamy being the anomaly rather than the norm. Is it practical considering the disparity among the number of males to females? Are we as humans going to “behave” or should we just wake up and really be aware of what’s really going on?
I say we face reality and try to figure out how to resolve our hang ups. We all have them but adults can work through them. It’s not intended to be a chaotic situation. The concepts of polygamy and polyamory are real “things” that consenting adults practice daily. Some of them even have children. We’re not going to discuss religion right now but I know it plays a role in all of this. We’ve all been indoctrinated by our oppressors’ religious dogma. But that’s for another day.
My whole premise in my little series has been: If you are going to be monogamous be faithful to your partner. Otherwise, be honest with your mate and let them know that you want to try something different. Have you ever heard of consensual non monogamy? Let’s face it folks, there are a lot of married people who are non monogamous it’s just not consensual.
I’m a Christian y’all. I understand the whole concept of one man one woman but that is being challenged now and what right do we have to tell people how to live their lives? I say if you have your belief system, that’s wonderful. But I don’t think you should impose it on other people. Give them the information and give them the option to chose their path in life. And contrary to popular belief, these alternative lifestyles are not all about sex. I had a response to my post just before this one and to paraphrase: “Bringing another person into the situation is only going to complicate it and just for a few moments of pleasure/gratification…” Yes, bringing other people in is complex but that just means there must be open communication. Stay tuned for further exploration of this subject. The research is quite compelling. Monogamy forever….? Hmmm?
How far would you be willing to go to spice up your marriage? What do you think the number one reason is that spouses cheat? Lack of excitement in the bedroom…? Only doing it in the bedroom…? Do you think if given the option to get into a “safe cheating environment,” people would take it? Have you ever heard of polyamory? All I’m doing is raising questions folks. Shameless plug in 3, 2, 1… I talk about polyamory in my book – “Confessions of a Reformed Cougar: Younger Isn’t Necessarily Better.” I’m not sure that it would work for many people. I’m only playing devil’s advocate.
Let’s have a grown folks conversation for one minute. You have to know that there are thousands of couples out there where one or both of the spouses are cheating their asses off, right? Are you vaguely familiar with the whole Ashley Madison debacle? An entire website that was set up to facilitate “hook-ups” for married folks…really? We’re just so high-tech now. You have to pay someone to find a hook-up… But I digress… Do you think if you and/or your spouse had permission to cheat via swinging that it would keep them at home?
I’m not passing judgement, I’m just making a statement: If you decide that you are going to stand in front of your friends and family and pledge your undying love to another human being until death do you part, why cheat? Why not just stay single? It goes back to my original question when we started on this journey: Ask yourself why you are in this relationship. There is something to be said for the companionship and comfort of having someone at home but if you know you have commitment issues and you know your spouse will not appreciate sharing you with someone else, why not stay single?