Here is my YouTube video to go along with this post. I have been having technical difficulties getting it to embed… It is cuffing season
So as you can see, I am changing the format slightly. I am no longer giving them numbers. Instead, I will be giving them subtitles. When I came up with idea for this post, I admit it was a little tongue in cheek. I mean no one is going to realistically structure their lifestyle around the weather, right…? But let’s talk seriously though. Suppose it actually has less to do with the weather and more to do with the fact that people who are normally happy go lucky singles start to feel the loneliness more during the holidays? After all, people are often with their families and if you are unattached, you might not have a family to spend the holidays with and that makes not having a significant other…well, even more significant.
Consider the fact that suicide rates go up during the holidays. Couple mental illness with all these darn cheerful, family-oriented holiday festivities and viola! – cuffing season.
People need and want to be loved, valued, cuddled…even if it is a facade. And consider this- Is all of this exacerbated by being on the Autism Spectrum? Many people on the spectrum have strained relationships with their families. Many people on the spectrum have a terrible time navigating the dating world. If someone who is equally lonely and or desperate comes along…meet your new cuffing buddy…
So what do y’all think? Change in weather, change in attitude towards commitment? I have done a little research for us and here is what I found. Huffington Post had this to offer: Cuffing Season
My whole premise in my little series has been: If you are going to be monogamous be faithful to your partner. Otherwise, be honest with your mate and let them know that you want to try something different. Have you ever heard of consensual non monogamy? Let’s face it folks, there are a lot of married people who are non monogamous it’s just not consensual.
I’m a Christian y’all. I understand the whole concept of one man one woman but that is being challenged now and what right do we have to tell people how to live their lives? I say if you have your belief system, that’s wonderful. But I don’t think you should impose it on other people. Give them the information and give them the option to chose their path in life. And contrary to popular belief, these alternative lifestyles are not all about sex. I had a response to my post just before this one and to paraphrase: “Bringing another person into the situation is only going to complicate it and just for a few moments of pleasure/gratification…” Yes, bringing other people in is complex but that just means there must be open communication. Stay tuned for further exploration of this subject. The research is quite compelling. Monogamy forever….? Hmmm?
Marriage and monogamy or Single and sexually free? Are you going to get married and stay faithful or are you going to get married and do whatever the hell you want to do? Why not just stay single? I can’t help but to think about Tiger Woods… He wanted the ideal, picture perfect family – the wife and kids but he also wanted run the street with all manner of bimbos… Yeah, I may be showing my age but that’s the nicest name I can think of at the moment. I mean, if you are going to get married, why not put your all into it?
I think the idea of marriage is wonderful. You have a person who has promised to stay with you FOREVER… UNTIL YOU BOTH DIE… That means they will put up with all your bs and you have to put up with all theirs. And truthfully, I don’t think any couple is happy all the time but they are willing to work through their differences and stay committed to one another. There is something rather comforting about having someone there with you if you need a reassuring hug… Is basic companionship one of the most attractive features about getting married?
Last question: Do you need to be madly, passionately in love with someone to marry them?
So…before I said I didn’t date much in high school and college. As it turns out, I had a “steady beau” in both high school and college. It seemed as though I had to put forth such an effort to get each of them that I didn’t feel the need to “play the field.” Also, young ladies who had multiple boyfriends back then were not looked upon favorably. There’s also the fact that most Aspies are quite loyal and often stay in relationships long after we should have been gone.
Now that I’m a grown-up, I’ve begun to weigh the pros and cons of being in a “steady” relationship. On the one hand, you have someone who’s always there to support you when you need them. On the other hand, you have someone who’s ALWAYS THERE… What if you’re the type of person who likes to have their own space? When you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship, you have to consider your significant other’s feelings and needs. You also have to put the shoe on the other foot as well. What happens when you’re the one feeling down and you need comforting but you have pushed your partner away and they really aren’t feeling like taking on the role of supportive partner? The answer, in my opinion is you can’t have it both ways.
There has to be give and take as well as compromise in a healthy relationship. As you spend more time together and learn to respect each other’s boundaries and needs, you can learn to give each other space as well as supporting and comforting each other when the need arises.
Now allow me to play “Devil’s Advocate” for a moment. Is there something in between for grown folks who want to have the comfort and support of a significant other but not the commitment. Can you get your physical needs met without being in a marriage or relationship? Would you consider that immoral? In my observations, there seem to be a lot of folks out there who want to have the milk without buying the cow…
Let’s save that for another discussion. In the meantime, check out my new YouTube Channel – “Aspie Cougar.” As soon as I post this blog, I’m going to add a question for us to mull over. I hope you will join the discussion with the grown folks.